6 Ways to Get Through Hard Things

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for the dreaded 9 A.M. church, I sat on our bed and just cried. I had just tried on every skirt I owned trying to find one that fit. I still don't understand how the scale can say I lost two pounds that week, yet my clothes seem to be fitting more snug than loose. I sat and thought about how much I couldn't stand myself for all the little poor eating choices I had made over the week. I knew that the aftermath of what pregnancy does to your body sucked, but I didn't realize how hard it would make my life. 

Now some people would say that I just need to stick to the diet more and exercise more. Others will say I need to celebrate my body and love myself no matter my size. There's actually a million things people could say to me about my situation.

But instead, my sweet husband came in the room and hugged me as I sobbed over this "disastrous" morning. He grabbed my go-to comfy maxi dress fresh out of the dryer, picked out a scarf to match, and told me I looked beautiful and that he loved me.

He loves me no matter my size.
(Photography by Tayli Stowers)

Later that evening, Andrew and I had a long discussion about the many trials we were going through (my ever tight clothing being one of them) and what we needed to do to get through them. These are a few of the things we are now trying to implement in our lives to get through the never-ending hard things in life.

1. ADMIT YOUR WEAKNESSES

I hate to break it to you, but your poop does in fact actually stink. And that is something that can be really hard to admit sometimes. We all want to be strong and have the awesome "I got this" attitude about life. But reality will get to us all eventually. And we can't do all things perfectly. 

We need to be willing to admit our weaknesses (even the embarrassing ones) so that those who love us can help us. How can a marriage stay together if one person decides they don't need the loving support and help from their spouse? How can a mother help her child if the child is unwilling to reveal the hard trials he or she is going through? Our loved ones want to help us, and we need to let them in. 

2. UNDERSTAND WE CAN'T KNOW ALL THINGS

One thing that is certain about life is that it is uncertain. And that can be a downright scary thought sometimes. I have had so many moments where I just wished I could see the other side of the mountain I was climbing in my life. Unfortunately, life is built this way for a reason. If we could foresee the hard things that are going to happen to us, we wouldn't go through those life-changing, faith-building, wisdom-gaining events. 

The one person that does know all things is God. As a Mormon, I believe that because He knows all things, it qualifies Him as the person to go to in all things. We can't know the answer to all things, but through Him we can accept peace as we go throughout those things in our lives that truly test us. 

3. LOVE OTHERS WHEN YOU ARE AT YOUR LOWEST

When you love and help others at any point in time, you always feel good. So why wouldn't it make you feel better when you are at you're lowest? Nobody (at least to my knowledge) has ever complained about loving someone that needed to be loved or helping someone who needed help. 

Whenever you help someone that is truly in need, it puts your life in a new perspective. I have found that just when I thought my life was hard (like my never-ending clothes dilemma), I am always humbled by someone who is going through something so much harder. How can I be depressed about my waistline when there are families that have lost children? How can I complain about not having my own home because of our financial situation when there are people who are making due with one bed for the whole family? 

The other day, I started an old season of the Biggest Loser (motivation? I'm trying), and one of the contestants, Abby Rike, had lost her entire family (husband, daughter, and newborn baby) in a car accident. Yet she was ready to lose weight even when it seemed she had every reason in the world to never get out of bed ever again. As the coaches helped her through one struggle in her life, they were humbled and their problems seemed so little in comparison. (To read more about Abby and her story click here)

Love others and you will find how truly blessed you are.

4. WE ARE NOT GIVEN TRIALS WE CAN'T HANDLE

I believe (as a Mormon) that God gives us hardships so that we can gain knowledge and wisdom. We gain knowledge and wisdom so we can become more like our God who has all knowledge and wisdom. And He that does know all knows us each by name and every little thing about us. He knows what we need to help us grow. He also knows what will put us out of our comfort zone and make us struggle, and what will totally break us beyond repair. Every trial that is beyond our control is created by the Master, He who created everything, including every atom that resides in our own bodies. And because He created us, He loves us. He wants us to grow, not be broken.

 But let me tell you, when I am upset for whatever reason, this is a very hard thing to remember. I, for one, do not try on too tight skirts and think, "Oh, Heavenly Father created everything, including my body, so it's going to be okay". No. Me being blind and forgetful thinks, "I hate my skirts, my stretch marks, and every pound of stupid fat on my body". This is a challenge for me, and I'm pretty sure everyone has moments of forgetting the grander scheme of things.

But don't be confused with the trials that are given to us by God and the trials that we bring upon ourselves. There is a reason God warns us of breaking His commandments, and it's not because of His "wrath" or the hell that awaits us after we die. Our loving Heavenly Father doesn't want to see us hurt. He knows of the pain this world can do to us, and he knows that those are the things that not just make us struggle, but break us. 

5. LIFE IS MEANT TO BE ENJOYED

This is one of my favorite quotes by Gordon B. Hinckley. We used to have this quote on our wall when we lived in Utah. Every morning as I went into the kitchen, this awesome quote is what welcomed me. Even though we go through trials, this life is meant to learn how to be happy! I always used to think that happiness was something you worked for and was the rainbow after the storm. But you have to learn how to dance in the rain! There are times when there seems to be every bad thing possible happening one right after another. But to dwell on these things is what Satan wants you to do. Satan wants you to be miserable. Andrew admitted to me last night that he has been so stressed about school and doing well that it is making living life hard and far from fun. We quickly agreed that this was not how life is supposed to be lived, no matter how stressful your life can be. Happiness is not the goal, it is the journey. 

6. TRUST IN THE LORD

For those that are Christian, but not Mormon, you'll be surprised at how similar Mormons' beliefs and your beliefs are similar here. For those that are atheist, you'll be surprised at how trusting a believer of a supreme being can be. And for those that are not Christian or atheist, I hope that your beliefs give you comfort just as mine does. 

I believe that when the going gets rough, it is the most opportune time to turn to the Lord. He wants us to be happy and wants us to go through the hard things in life successfully. You have to believe that God actually does love you and knows the pains of your heart. He cries when you cry, and His heart aches when your heart aches. He looks at you and wishes you could see the amazing person that He sees you are. He knows we can overcome things even when we feel like quitting. 

One thing I was taught about a year ago by a bishop in my church was that I could not have fear and faith at the same time. If you say you have faith in God but worry and fear anyways, you never really had faith to begin with. To have faith (trust) in God is to have faith in his plan. 

Andrew and I have a long way to go with coping with our struggles in life. But each day we get a little better. With each wave of trials, we get a little (sometimes a lot) stronger. 

I hope you can come out of your struggles and trials with a smile on your face knowing that you CAN do hard things!

-Sarah