The last month has been full of a lot of ups and downs for my little family. With realtives visiting, Andrew trudging through a summer semester, and a not-so-happy-teething baby (I swear that kid teethes 24/7), we've kind of been running on fumes. The busyness of everything has really dampened my creativity and my spirits.
I've really been down in the dumps on our situation that we are in as a family lately. With Andrew going to school full time and me being a stay at home mom, I find myself daydreaming more for better days. While there is nothing wrong with daydreaming and hope for the days to come, my daydreaming has lead to something much worse- self-pity.
With social media at the tips of my fingers, it's really easy to see the difference in the path that I took and the many different paths that my peers took in their lives. You know what they say, comparison is the thief of joy. But the comparison I was making wasn't one against my peers.
My daydreams have been taking me back to my pre-married life and before I became a mom. The comparing started with my happiness and satisfaction then to now. One of the biggest things I have been missing now is freedom (I'm pretty sure I am not alone on this one). But before I met Andrew, all I daydreamed about was security and a time where I didn't feel like a leaf in the wind. Lately, I've toyed with the idea of being a great career woman and expounding my artistic side. But before marriage, I would daydream of the day when I could say I loved someone with every fiber in my being, have someone always need me, and be settled.
Somewhere along the line, I have forgotten my old dreams and now wish for something different. When did this all happen? When did I decide that I was not content with my original goals?
Perhaps while Oliver was crying constantly. Maybe after I snapped for no good reason at Andrew. But it most likely happened when my attitude changed.
In this "gimme-gimme" society we live in, the media is practically shouting to us that we always need more, that we're never good enough. It screams that women need to be both moms and career women, that there is no way someone could ever be satisfied with just one. It cries that a person without creativity and brains is a worthless person. And their message worked on me.
Somehow I forgot how blessed I am to have a faithful, hardworking husband that would do anything to keep me and my son happy. Somehow I forgot through the rough nights and endless tantrums, my sweet little boy's giggles and smiles that can melt even the angriest person's heart. Somehow I forgot that being loved and loving back is the only thing that any person is searching for, and that I've already found it.
Somehow I forgot that my life is here and now, and not sometime in the future.
Tomorrow will be filled with more dirty diapers, drowsiness, and tantrums. But tomorrow will also be filled with love.
What more could a girl want?
What blessings have you rediscovered in your life? I'd love to hear your story!